Welcome to the Lion's Den, Population: You and Me

Hello all and welcome to the lion's den. It's been a while since I've last seen you, so let me catch you up on all the goings on in our neck of the woods. First off, our little shcmuck may be gone and dead. We're not entirely sure, he's just kinda chillin', so we've assumed the worst. The poor guy never got to become a beautiful luna moth, but neither do I so fuck 'im, right? And as far as that goes, fuck people! Right? Do ya'll understand me? Jah feel, the brothers of my nation and my sisters in our Lord and savior Jesus Christ almighty on his exulted cross? Too far? Ok, let's pull it back now.

It's hard to think of things to write my readership. Not really for this because I can just say what I want and ya'll just eat that shit up like it's gold (please don't eat gold. It doesn't digest well, though it's good for the gallbladder)! No, I mean for things that matter to people who judge things bast on quality. Those kinds a people are hard to please. Always trying to undermine your creative idiocy and whatnot. It's enough to drive a man insane I tell ya! And I oughta know about insanity.

If you would give me a moment, I need some more of my heavenly muse before I continue my address to you fine people. Ok, TIME OUT!

........Annnnnd time in! I'm glad to see you all doing we, hopefully we didn't lose anyone at intermission. On to a more important matter, the rising economic troubles of Greece and its strain on both the European Union as well as the world community. Yeah, that sucks, doesn't it? Makes you put your life in perspective, don't it? As far as solutions to or details on or thoughts regarding the issue, ya got me, but I know it's important and god dammit that's all that matters!

I hate to say goodbye, but ya'll my bitches and gotta catch some mothafuckin' zebras so this lion can eat! I'm the king of the pride bitchesssss!

Yours foreva,
You know who (that's right, its Tom "Muthafukin'" Riddle)

This is gonna be a weird one

As if you hadn't thought we'd been weird enough, we started getting uhhn-y on you, and you know what that means, the ole swingaroo-one-two maneuver eh? Moving forward, we find ourselves lost in the same place in which we sometimes find ourselves found at home. It is a peculiar thing this de-navigation that hath taken a turn on us unlucky souls as of late. By God, I've gotta say, it's damn fucking unbelievable ya goddamn asshole. 

For those of you who were waiting for a hilarious profane joke, I didn't really have one but those words always seem funny to me, you fucking asshole. So I used 'em, what of it, eh? Gonna sue me? Do you even have money for a lawyer? Are you even qualified to sue I mean who in Gandhi's rectum do you imagine you are to have such power? How could you even fathom. The thought astounds me. Me: analogous to: astounded. I think that's probably not how those analogy symbols work but honestly you have two buttholes so I think that also settles one thing or another. The unsettled matter, of course, is us being horribly, terrifyingly lost. It's like a horror story coming to life: the place you inhabit suddenly becomes surrounded by loud noises and your body intruded upon by strange substances and all outta nowhere some "people" enter your space and you're all like WHOA man, thaaaaat's my space. Some people respect that and some people fucking don'T MAN! Obviously there hasn't been enough publication of the Rules of Everything...I don't think people are really learning. I'll list a few of the gems here, in case you schmucks want to learn a little while you're murdering brain cells (it's contagious, right? Through words, right?):

1. If you see someone's got a space going on, don't assume to be able to effect your space on that space, man; that ain't cool.

2. If we're all making a huge fucking breakfast and you get assigned to make pancakes, be sure to tell everyone you don't know how to cook them before you goddamn cook them, like an asshole, Brad.

3. Puppies are cute and cats are cute - those are both true statements that don't have to conflict with each other. Yeah this is a rule.

And so on and so forth. You get the big picture, right? It's all about savin' ya sins. Our Lord and Saviuh, gosh darnit. He's the Big Picture alright. By golly we're about outta time folks, it looks like dumb's too dumb to dumb. 

Hasta luego,

Moi

Bleach Everywhere, Muthafuckas

Now that's how you properly end an encounter. Really - imagine it. Some stupid people are making words at you and you're humoring them, giving a couple words back in exchange (you're amicable and shit, right? So that's cool), but really not giving a shit. Eventually you say some sort of summing-up kind of statement, like "And I guess that's why you have two buttholes," or "Sheeeeeyit, mane," and then proceed to shout it.

You shout it like a goddamned wildebeest! BLEACH EVERYWHERE MUTHAFUCKAS!!!

Do you do it, too? I don't know, that seems kind of crazy. I mean it's crazy enough shouting it but should you literally spray the stupid faces that are making stupid words with bleach? That's quite a bold step, my good sir, and I don't recommend it. But actually yeah you should totally spray their faces with bleach, that's fucking awesome.

What do I do with this now? How can bleach everywhere be followed? Fire. Burn those dumb bitches and run like hell cuz the cops is sure ta be on yo' tail man! You have now completed phase one on your path to becoming a roving serial murderer!

If you're still reading this then obviously you didn't take our advice. What the hell guys; I thought we had a good thing going here. We tell you what to do, you unconditionally follow it, and everyone wins. Don't fuck with that, man, seriously though.

Where hath the time gone. Or rather, the sense. Where hath it fled. Oh meezies oh myzies.

And I guess, that's why you have two buttholes.

Shhhhh,
Us

A Journey of a sort

Ah, so here we meet again. It hasn't been too long, but the pleasure is nonetheless awesome dude.

Let me begin my thought by stating, again, the thought: what's going on, really doe? Can we sort that out? Or perhaps we should rather look at the word "sort" itself - that shit is cray, man! Say sort 50 times. And then think of all the different meanings that this dumb goddamned sound has attained over the years. I mean holygoattits we gotta big 'un hun na' mean.

Whoa. Sitting in this space that I am, people walk by the window of this space and sometimes they know me. Sometimes they even shout to me! It's an insane idea that I can NOT seem to grasp. The sheer audacity! Shouting at a window! You FOOL!

Moving back to the query of what may, in fact, be actually going on, really doe: still lost. Still fuming over "sort". Things do not seem well, in Mordor. Strange things are happening at the Circle K. People's bags of weed are turning into mold over night. The sheer sortness of it all, oy ve. Occasionally it makes me wonder why we go through all this shit anyways. Do we ever understand it? Why things are happening as there? What urges them to continue? Or is life simply a wave that carries us all along the oceans, navigating our bodies up and down but always in one direction? Chill out man, you're rockin' the boat, they may not be ready for it. Alright man, sure, whatever, I'm done.

We're still in this space...And Schmuck is a cocoon now. The insect fuck has totally wrapped himself in his own spit, I can't even imagine, the horror, the oh god you asshole just stop it. And soon he'll be a moth, a big, beautiful, green moth. And now people are in the space ah shit.

H's and maybe a K
ME