"I guess you could call my asshole a way-station of sorts. People don't stick around very long, but all sorts come through.Oh! The stories I could tell you!" -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Hardly anyone ever comes to rustle my jimmies anymore. I dunno, things are different these days, man." -- Leif Ericson
"I once ate at a Chinese restaurant. It wasn't terrible." -- Amelia Earhart
"This is not a poem
Seriously, I mean it
Don't pretend it is." -- Lana Del Rey
"No thanks, I'm not into pottery. I had a traumatic experience as a child, and I never want to talk about it ever. [sobbing]" --Dave from down the street
"If you ever quote me on this I swear to Jesus Almighty I'll wear your face as a loin cloth." -- Frank Sinatra
"One time, I tried to see how many jelly beans I could snort. I got to like 21 before the blood got too thick and I had to stop." -- Margret Thatcher
"Being born with one arm is, like, just one step closer to becoming a fish... right?" -- Woody Guthrie
"Sure, maybe it doesn't matter now, but one day, probably some day soon, you'll look in the mirror and realize what you've become: a sad, washed up hack scraping by between hits of morphine, horse tranquilizers, and metabolic steroids. We're all sick of your shit, Goofy." -- Mickey Mouse
"When I was your age, I was stabbing out commie eyes with a butter knife." -- Emily Dickinson
"Never forget the golden rule: keep 'em laughin'." -- Joseph Stalin
"Oh come on! You're shitting me, right? Five fucking dollars for a goddamn sandwich? Literally - hey, asshole! Are you listening? Literally,I would rather eat my own shit than pay you such a ridiculous price." -- Shirley Temple
