"And then god or whatever came down in the form of the angel Gabriel and a smallish sized goat wearing a toupee. And both of them were certainly Our Savior, Undercover Be His or Her Name-O." - Pope Francis
"Back in my day we didn't have dildos poppin out our eyes and shit crawling off the walls, nooo-no sirree, we played our poker and we drank our tea, gently. But thems were strange days. I suppose it's different when you're raised by assorted rodents." - Ben Roethlisberger
"Crunchy...but yet also slimy. What's...it..is that a...hint of sudge I detect?" - Emeril Lagasse
"All I can say is that Halloween is the Lord's day, and I'm really quite fed up with all you naysayers." - Laura Bush
"Mondays are the worst. What else in life can give you the intensity of the squirts with the tenderly paced cringing of a well-constipated turd?" - my mother, dad
"I love you, dad. There's no dad that dads like you dad."
- mom
"Well zippity crabbam shoohop!" - Denzel Washington
"Louis the...what was it? The ninth? Tenth? Heh?! Whaddayew sayin' over there? Get over here and say me what the freaking crap you wanna say. I'm tired and my ears smell like piss." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez on homosexual science fiction
"I've got LSD up to my eyeballs, if you catch my drift." - Copernicus
"All we ah is scrotes in the wind. Heh." - Euripides
15 November 2014
06 November 2014
Salami Adventure
"Oh what a day and what a night ahead for all of us crazy
folks at the school in the territory previously the most north and the most
west but now it’s just the most worth and most nest and perhaps even the best
this evening and tomorrow morning could be an adventure or two won’t you join
me on such a quest as bold as this while we journey far and wide and deep into
the crevasses of the human soul and plunge our swords and sabers into the dark
void of mystery and scavenge the remains of what could be our future. To die is
but another great adventure and it could be the greatest adventure of them all. Join me on my quest for truth, for knowledge, for power, for love, and most of
all; the holy salami. Kept away hidden in the lost lake of the lake within the
lake of the sleeping mind and drifting away every now and then in your subconscious,
there lies a cavern in which lies a temple in which lies the secret to the holy
salami. Only from there can one truly find where such a delicacy of cured meats
exists in the waking world and from a map that must be carved into your back we
will voyage to every corner of this earth and the rounded edges too until we
reach the old man with the wooden eye and he tells us, “search no farther my
children, for I am the end of the road.” And then we must kill the old man and
eat his eye. And then the answer will become clear as to what to do next and we
will go and leave this realm for 50 years until the time is right and when we
return everything won’t be the same; the world will have opened up a trench so
vast and so deep that it exposes the ancient tomb of Luigi Divalesconi, the
maker of the holy salami and many other magic meats. We will swim down deep and
far and wide and narrow and thin and fat until we scramble in through the
ceiling of Luigi’s deli shop at the bottom of the sea and he will be there
waiting for you on his throne of goats. His peperoni eyes stare into your
heart, his sausage fingers grip at his sword of pastrami and he begins to
attack. With one fell swipe of your sword you cut him down and his delicious
desiccated corpse flops pathetically into neat slices. With his dying breath he
points to the antechamber of his throne room; therein lies the holy salami. You
arrive at the sealed chest and break off the rusty lock. There it is. The
treasure of the century. The holy salami. In the flesh. It’s glorious. It
reeks. You devour it whole and absorb its mythical powers. You can feel the
power coursing through your veins. Your fingertips tingle, you’ve never felt
stronger, you feel like you could fight a skeleton army, you feel like you could
fight mike Tyson, you feel like you could fight a skeleton army of mike Tysons.
Your hair becomes long and billowing, your muscles become incredibly well toned
and magic incantations flutter on your lips. Suddenly leaks spring in the
ceiling and water begins to rush into the quaint undersea sandwich shop. The
water is rising fast, you take a deep breath and fly as fast as you can out the
way you came in. But the water is too much. The current is too strong. You are
swept away and smashed into the rocks at the bottom of the sea. Your body tries
to repair itself with its magical salami powers but only manages to protect you
from further damage and keep your body in a comatose state while you lie in
wait of rescue from your greed. Some say you are still there, undamaged by time
or the fierce waters, but still preserved perfectly, just like a piece of meat."
-- A GHOST
13 October 2014
Plato used to say that shit all the time
It's a hurdle every word you can hardly go from thought to thought garbuldigook in my ass! you garbuldigook! It is your ass! glad it's sorted out?
Bag em and tag em sell em to the store I say! I dunno, I liked it...
Butter in the oven, better on the stove
Orange trees groovin at the old tree grove
Master Disaster here I am
Beatin up the eggs, fryin up the ham
Pepper in some plastic
Don't be so salty, ecclesiastic
Have you prepared for the space Nazi invasion? How's that for a howdy-due (respect - ya know)!? More like howdy-piece'a-bag'a-shit! Yeah! yeah.. and also, additionally - yeah.
Now imagine, you're in a magical forest with pubic hair trees, with ice cream-delivering monkeys, and even the caterpillars hug you! Now imagine that magical forest is inside your rectum. Yes folks, that's right! We're offering you now, LIVE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION the chance to have your anus feng shui'd by teh ultimar best awesomest booty designer in all of town! Gary's mom is totally free this Thursday at the rec center!@askjeeves.anal_assplay (i dunno -- how do those things go?) Anyway, try-outs are being held at so make sure to make your reservations for the all you can with the and earn points by to even still have more than you can shake a stick at!
Bag em and tag em sell em to the store I say! I dunno, I liked it...
Butter in the oven, better on the stove
Orange trees groovin at the old tree grove
Master Disaster here I am
Beatin up the eggs, fryin up the ham
Pepper in some plastic
Don't be so salty, ecclesiastic
Have you prepared for the space Nazi invasion? How's that for a howdy-due (respect - ya know)!? More like howdy-piece'a-bag'a-shit! Yeah! yeah.. and also, additionally - yeah.
Now imagine, you're in a magical forest with pubic hair trees, with ice cream-delivering monkeys, and even the caterpillars hug you! Now imagine that magical forest is inside your rectum. Yes folks, that's right! We're offering you now, LIVE ON NATIONAL TELEVISION the chance to have your anus feng shui'd by teh ultimar best awesomest booty designer in all of town! Gary's mom is totally free this Thursday at the rec center!@askjeeves.anal_assplay (i dunno -- how do those things go?) Anyway, try-outs are being held at so make sure to make your reservations for the all you can with the and earn points by to even still have more than you can shake a stick at!
It was the best of times, because it was better than all other times.-- Plato
Interpretive Dance?
Yeah, it should be. I mean, without us, figure and I? Shit out, yeah I don't know...
How are us? How is you?! You gotta have expectations... but you can! You can worry about bk! Can expect them, one way or the other! And this is the eternal flame of expecting.
Child! Nude, you receive your own comeuppance, wenn wir a la playa mit Eddie "Gill" gehen. Social you! Receive I? Never heard way ass - bum bum! Right - in the air, the old couch fort sat and veiled a meaty sex from someone around. Cracked video - that is in a crack level - isn't Mike's video about conspiracy theories. In shared living, in that wayward world of the mainland, he's been framed!
Rosa parks with Stage, and then there was not just Mike - some random thing that became 1000. The net scenarios were carefully planned to get in the media as, like, this thing that would relate to people in the seas. In the end, this be like that situation at noon when There, Their, and They are just an hour.
Ok, so is it that in playing that, people didn't black people didn't have to sit at the back of the bus or just like the road the park thing wasn't up wigan pier really like virginia i don't know them but me at least in some people make but it's like it's just a girl symbolic action than that represents the reality i mean like you like and like it like that then i'll begin mediastinum easy rider wanted got it s a standard pension f****** daily news feed in a new thing what the f*** vince croatia onlive blast good rest while you eat and it's crazy these days with kids southern england when we would go on leg lol day trips want to stratford upon me are we went to bath celeron battersby call and it went to london southend airport like when we will need going to get his wall lunch packets i like my friend can i eat on the wild animal man i would be more about asking it's raining me there like trader combine thing that wednesday night i can't even be aware of myself today oh yeah it's like to meet people whenever you need it the stimulus response from mike he mean it has been doing something for yourself like feeling this little success and around moving like people who are combine all the drugs in chennai flip your legs really feel good f****** nuts in your mind is like stretched everywhere in knowing he was going on slippery she yeah i think sometimes it doesn't open to the idea that like the better or whole is greater than parts thank you connor accomplish more working as a team you know than working by yourself so other drugs eric him know i'm just saying i give you a pirate to the next level down with the individual if the individual all works with 18 1 task than rather than a sensory maurer fishing all the energy to 1 test that's where the body painting how many calories does cycling burn the secret life of plants nobles don't hear about the guy f****** baxter in the sixty's is sung kang i like pie graph train again trailer training caps new era agency fbi and then he started doing all these crazy experimental reactor crazily in terms of their neurotransmission all these strange ray csqa things its human skin ever experience i like you realise you know it's like she's all these things going bexley feeling pain in the ear the booking line thank you hope tattoo it's the best level of resistance in your life is s*** out of microorganisms and then he thinks about burning leaves he said we have to go get a match in a bigger screen play it was raining the guardian my own booze delete ray thinking about mike watering the plants in a better how does that make sense dg7do plants like we're on the 4th dimension of something i can see all possible outcomes from when given point so when that becomes like more than likely they eat animals because they know they have to be there by that way that's great news the most human being a reaction trying out to make me to jump into britain his uh huh well being back at the point it don't believe in a cup of hot coffee perennially it is him there is no reaction to speak anon mean you will burn the actual lived with the electrodes right xd instead he got the picture framing as mine before you can move ray match the wizard romantic changing the tracing parents in the form of a prolonged up with sweep dexter has not moved in a tour of the planet or the recording machine the planet of the reading of mind weather nectar of the room returns imagines he found another 7 search registered on church evidently cars made the termination korea threats like the way he said about bringing the least this time there was a lower peter reaction graph later as he went to the motions of pretending does no reaction what's the point of pure to be able to differentiate between real and pretend didn't it and beauty does so much my ship them again with himself in with the lie detector girl like miles away let miles away in mike things get better better place in you that's so creepy nss lake darran f****** thing that civilization is ready to talk about like every single player like a different human with different i like a builder to meet people like some people know i'll always rue de la falaise you know how do they blake know what he's thinking and so far away is it did they have a special attachment of people around them like and we're not the death of certain cells in the same room to play n8 realised it was going crazy random organ is more intelligent than a plan and mike slowly then become used to it because i realised first row random in debt you get 6 people in his way accord for 16 people look like when you're not around anyone you can't tell anyone about this going to the room place stamp on it. Up and down on the ground so everyone is in the rainforest does a talking in a 1.6 virgin hilger play it kill the plan next to it and down then later and so the required the other place and have everything a present individually come up in a persian. note send james and lovethat's really freaky just keep coming at ya 50 back in you what is it yeah i think it should be going on the world wide web figure out wrekonize the new level you can have my wife plants you know and whenever someone comes over with the idea of rubbing your house they could give us a break before i leave date did that in the past wow that's so weird plants are there was the future bingo bingo bingo so weird planes are there was the future bingo bingo. right now host. the most young from reglogmein duo durham disturbed early tooth and answers maybe in everything is ridiculous glass yeah i was thinking about the other daysex sauna needle and thread red light the trudy day yeah i know it seems like maybe you filing the kiln bedford that ensure that he would never work please dream. web thing did you have you build a routine yeah yeah yeahs zero um hellooh my god that's amazing liverpoolis that i don't know either way. Do you have a podcast where literally mike you're having an organic interaction with eric human being like that with this is right now hello world yeah that's true note with the whole thing was like we couldn't we can like gill comfortable with the bank but now we do something that like stand up comics have to do with working in dubai hopefully everybody but like another find out about it yeah this is going to be like 20 minutes personal trainer felt for yeah they seem land o lakes mcat uno menu you don't fire until 8 minutes 19 you set up if im being gone bingo instead of bingo bingo bingo earliest train to do in the ladies Devon Kershaw and his brain injury list of the fact a collared shirt instruments drum depot andover college it's a mystery i love words do most people back home still think that your smile no i was mean like in the sense that coming to do the people here it's a mess like they say much land was maurer nadie en like they are things to do the smartest f****** people over because o i going to do so they're already pretentious about it electronic things to tell the smartest person around the lake back home none of my friends over there that are medically thing that i was smartest rectella weird but like nothing out there was a good thing um son of maurer like going to school because a 1030 doing i'm a boy or girl bearsden my love. I was smarter than them realise that and like ages now the pain in leg william is there but yeah that level way like it's not about this f****** food they were going to do near anus. Seen a person ever after phil neville eyes watering it doesn't matter i'm not ever doing that again in a minute date and out of cars i learnyeah that's why they think i love you but i'm done with vince cage cycling shoes are in a strong megan from oxford i want the real f****** building or taylor 30 but i've never been to oversee i've been to bios i've never had it up the stairs but anyway is terrible 00 dance trainers and shoes girls walking somewhere and like i just answered hello i figured as can be late already so as i buy them yeah but she's just like oh you're not wearing shoes you should put don't like they have my foot flats but are you going to class thank it's not socially acceptable effect f*** you lily says that trudy mail it seriously like kind of implying that or i'm not in that room weird and when you wear shoes pleasejesusverbal premier
How are us? How is you?! You gotta have expectations... but you can! You can worry about bk! Can expect them, one way or the other! And this is the eternal flame of expecting.
Child! Nude, you receive your own comeuppance, wenn wir a la playa mit Eddie "Gill" gehen. Social you! Receive I? Never heard way ass - bum bum! Right - in the air, the old couch fort sat and veiled a meaty sex from someone around. Cracked video - that is in a crack level - isn't Mike's video about conspiracy theories. In shared living, in that wayward world of the mainland, he's been framed!
Rosa parks with Stage, and then there was not just Mike - some random thing that became 1000. The net scenarios were carefully planned to get in the media as, like, this thing that would relate to people in the seas. In the end, this be like that situation at noon when There, Their, and They are just an hour.
Ok, so is it that in playing that, people didn't black people didn't have to sit at the back of the bus or just like the road the park thing wasn't up wigan pier really like virginia i don't know them but me at least in some people make but it's like it's just a girl symbolic action than that represents the reality i mean like you like and like it like that then i'll begin mediastinum easy rider wanted got it s a standard pension f****** daily news feed in a new thing what the f*** vince croatia onlive blast good rest while you eat and it's crazy these days with kids southern england when we would go on leg lol day trips want to stratford upon me are we went to bath celeron battersby call and it went to london southend airport like when we will need going to get his wall lunch packets i like my friend can i eat on the wild animal man i would be more about asking it's raining me there like trader combine thing that wednesday night i can't even be aware of myself today oh yeah it's like to meet people whenever you need it the stimulus response from mike he mean it has been doing something for yourself like feeling this little success and around moving like people who are combine all the drugs in chennai flip your legs really feel good f****** nuts in your mind is like stretched everywhere in knowing he was going on slippery she yeah i think sometimes it doesn't open to the idea that like the better or whole is greater than parts thank you connor accomplish more working as a team you know than working by yourself so other drugs eric him know i'm just saying i give you a pirate to the next level down with the individual if the individual all works with 18 1 task than rather than a sensory maurer fishing all the energy to 1 test that's where the body painting how many calories does cycling burn the secret life of plants nobles don't hear about the guy f****** baxter in the sixty's is sung kang i like pie graph train again trailer training caps new era agency fbi and then he started doing all these crazy experimental reactor crazily in terms of their neurotransmission all these strange ray csqa things its human skin ever experience i like you realise you know it's like she's all these things going bexley feeling pain in the ear the booking line thank you hope tattoo it's the best level of resistance in your life is s*** out of microorganisms and then he thinks about burning leaves he said we have to go get a match in a bigger screen play it was raining the guardian my own booze delete ray thinking about mike watering the plants in a better how does that make sense dg7do plants like we're on the 4th dimension of something i can see all possible outcomes from when given point so when that becomes like more than likely they eat animals because they know they have to be there by that way that's great news the most human being a reaction trying out to make me to jump into britain his uh huh well being back at the point it don't believe in a cup of hot coffee perennially it is him there is no reaction to speak anon mean you will burn the actual lived with the electrodes right xd instead he got the picture framing as mine before you can move ray match the wizard romantic changing the tracing parents in the form of a prolonged up with sweep dexter has not moved in a tour of the planet or the recording machine the planet of the reading of mind weather nectar of the room returns imagines he found another 7 search registered on church evidently cars made the termination korea threats like the way he said about bringing the least this time there was a lower peter reaction graph later as he went to the motions of pretending does no reaction what's the point of pure to be able to differentiate between real and pretend didn't it and beauty does so much my ship them again with himself in with the lie detector girl like miles away let miles away in mike things get better better place in you that's so creepy nss lake darran f****** thing that civilization is ready to talk about like every single player like a different human with different i like a builder to meet people like some people know i'll always rue de la falaise you know how do they blake know what he's thinking and so far away is it did they have a special attachment of people around them like and we're not the death of certain cells in the same room to play n8 realised it was going crazy random organ is more intelligent than a plan and mike slowly then become used to it because i realised first row random in debt you get 6 people in his way accord for 16 people look like when you're not around anyone you can't tell anyone about this going to the room place stamp on it. Up and down on the ground so everyone is in the rainforest does a talking in a 1.6 virgin hilger play it kill the plan next to it and down then later and so the required the other place and have everything a present individually come up in a persian. note send james and lovethat's really freaky just keep coming at ya 50 back in you what is it yeah i think it should be going on the world wide web figure out wrekonize the new level you can have my wife plants you know and whenever someone comes over with the idea of rubbing your house they could give us a break before i leave date did that in the past wow that's so weird plants are there was the future bingo bingo bingo so weird planes are there was the future bingo bingo. right now host. the most young from reglogmein duo durham disturbed early tooth and answers maybe in everything is ridiculous glass yeah i was thinking about the other daysex sauna needle and thread red light the trudy day yeah i know it seems like maybe you filing the kiln bedford that ensure that he would never work please dream. web thing did you have you build a routine yeah yeah yeahs zero um hellooh my god that's amazing liverpoolis that i don't know either way. Do you have a podcast where literally mike you're having an organic interaction with eric human being like that with this is right now hello world yeah that's true note with the whole thing was like we couldn't we can like gill comfortable with the bank but now we do something that like stand up comics have to do with working in dubai hopefully everybody but like another find out about it yeah this is going to be like 20 minutes personal trainer felt for yeah they seem land o lakes mcat uno menu you don't fire until 8 minutes 19 you set up if im being gone bingo instead of bingo bingo bingo earliest train to do in the ladies Devon Kershaw and his brain injury list of the fact a collared shirt instruments drum depot andover college it's a mystery i love words do most people back home still think that your smile no i was mean like in the sense that coming to do the people here it's a mess like they say much land was maurer nadie en like they are things to do the smartest f****** people over because o i going to do so they're already pretentious about it electronic things to tell the smartest person around the lake back home none of my friends over there that are medically thing that i was smartest rectella weird but like nothing out there was a good thing um son of maurer like going to school because a 1030 doing i'm a boy or girl bearsden my love. I was smarter than them realise that and like ages now the pain in leg william is there but yeah that level way like it's not about this f****** food they were going to do near anus. Seen a person ever after phil neville eyes watering it doesn't matter i'm not ever doing that again in a minute date and out of cars i learnyeah that's why they think i love you but i'm done with vince cage cycling shoes are in a strong megan from oxford i want the real f****** building or taylor 30 but i've never been to oversee i've been to bios i've never had it up the stairs but anyway is terrible 00 dance trainers and shoes girls walking somewhere and like i just answered hello i figured as can be late already so as i buy them yeah but she's just like oh you're not wearing shoes you should put don't like they have my foot flats but are you going to class thank it's not socially acceptable effect f*** you lily says that trudy mail it seriously like kind of implying that or i'm not in that room weird and when you wear shoes pleasejesusverbal premier
24 February 2014
No, I'm saying I don't know the Title DERRRR
Speak words. What an idea! A thought really. Heh. You speak some. Try it. Ya dumb sakka shit.Yeah, eat 'em right up. Ya filthy filthmongers! With your grimy gritty faces and ugly rugged toes. Yes, you. And you too! For shame that you thought you weren't included! Of course you are invited. I did invite you, did I not?
Ahc! Mmm. And so it was that a new paragraph was formed on this day. T'was a good paragraph, a kindly paragraph. Though it was prone to forgetfulness... and then... uh... the ugliness came upon it! T'was stricken with DeVitism. The grossest of all grossness! How absurd it was! The boils! And the stench! Mein God! But the worst part... the absolute most disgusting of the dirty disease... the coup d'gross, if you will... But I shant tell thy peons! T'would melt your little, perfunctory minds! You rabble. Ye Olde Stricken! Strictly speaking, you're rubbish.
Merp!
But on to the point of the discussion at hand! We here at family-owned, family-ordered, Primo Kebab: Family Outlet make it our mission to deliver our juiciest, most fantastically succulent learnin's directly to your eyeholes! But nay! The task at hand hath not been completed tharr! Still, there is more that we ask of you and your albeit limited cognitive faculties. The knowledge of these, Our Olde Ways, must be recited aloud for the spells which they hold to effect their effects.
We're inventing a new language using only the letter q. Not only is it quaint, it's qqqqqqqqqqqq! Qq QqQQqqqQ? QQqQQQqq! qqQQQqqQQQqq! Know what I'm saying? Just like -- soda cans! They're fuckin' dumb! 5 min my booty boo! And 5 men? I don't think I could handle that. I mean, Mike in himself is like... 7 men, so take that into account... ya got a hefty sausage sandwich. A hefty sort of thing... on a stick. Whatever man. It's humor. You can fuck off with your high brow comedy or whatever... I don't know. Well when ya look at it like that... You're just a lonely guy behind a screen writing words for other people to say, ya know man? Think about that, man.
As is what was,
We are certainly that
Ahc! Mmm. And so it was that a new paragraph was formed on this day. T'was a good paragraph, a kindly paragraph. Though it was prone to forgetfulness... and then... uh... the ugliness came upon it! T'was stricken with DeVitism. The grossest of all grossness! How absurd it was! The boils! And the stench! Mein God! But the worst part... the absolute most disgusting of the dirty disease... the coup d'gross, if you will... But I shant tell thy peons! T'would melt your little, perfunctory minds! You rabble. Ye Olde Stricken! Strictly speaking, you're rubbish.
Merp!
But on to the point of the discussion at hand! We here at family-owned, family-ordered, Primo Kebab: Family Outlet make it our mission to deliver our juiciest, most fantastically succulent learnin's directly to your eyeholes! But nay! The task at hand hath not been completed tharr! Still, there is more that we ask of you and your albeit limited cognitive faculties. The knowledge of these, Our Olde Ways, must be recited aloud for the spells which they hold to effect their effects.
We're inventing a new language using only the letter q. Not only is it quaint, it's qqqqqqqqqqqq! Qq QqQQqqqQ? QQqQQQqq! qqQQQqqQQQqq! Know what I'm saying? Just like -- soda cans! They're fuckin' dumb! 5 min my booty boo! And 5 men? I don't think I could handle that. I mean, Mike in himself is like... 7 men, so take that into account... ya got a hefty sausage sandwich. A hefty sort of thing... on a stick. Whatever man. It's humor. You can fuck off with your high brow comedy or whatever... I don't know. Well when ya look at it like that... You're just a lonely guy behind a screen writing words for other people to say, ya know man? Think about that, man.
As is what was,
We are certainly that
20 January 2014
What Wizzent Woodent, How Dare Yeh?
Skoo wop doo we dawn bombom.
Yeeep boo wow skee plee boo now.
How does one become more skattish? The process isn't as easy as 1,2,3 or heart surgery! No, it's a series of trials of strength, endurance, and butthole dexterity.
But I'm sure you all know where I'm going with that, and I'm also sure that I'm scrambling for time, dear lordie let me sway down eazay breezay. The rules are so simple Mike's ma could understand them:
1. Be aggressive!
2. Don't put cheese all over your face and pretend you're the moon. We all know you aren't. That got old like 12 years ago. Ya busta!
3. Keep your pants firmly on the ground. They'll only hold ya back!
4. Like... Do somethin' reaaaaal dope... Or whatever
Five ways to seduce your lion, folks, there ya have em. Get nice and toasty up there with em, mmm nice and goodlike. Whenever that lion gets the samelike just hug em tight and squeeze fer life. Oh nah belly boy you're gone git ready fer this nah. Cos cose he gone got youd all up n dried innem them lion fangs. After that all gets settled, you can finally begin the masterful art of slattery, that is, how to make slats (skats).
Not anybody hardly never attempts the feats no mo'. You know the ones. Kinda like dah giraffes and halfway cooler than that ole corner at the pajama party. Partly listless planters paint poorly portioned portraits of princely prawns and pickles. And if that ain't enough! Oh! Bangskeeterbang!
I guess that calls up God.
Damn near skeeted em,
a log
Yeeep boo wow skee plee boo now.
How does one become more skattish? The process isn't as easy as 1,2,3 or heart surgery! No, it's a series of trials of strength, endurance, and butthole dexterity.
But I'm sure you all know where I'm going with that, and I'm also sure that I'm scrambling for time, dear lordie let me sway down eazay breezay. The rules are so simple Mike's ma could understand them:
1. Be aggressive!
2. Don't put cheese all over your face and pretend you're the moon. We all know you aren't. That got old like 12 years ago. Ya busta!
3. Keep your pants firmly on the ground. They'll only hold ya back!
4. Like... Do somethin' reaaaaal dope... Or whatever
Five ways to seduce your lion, folks, there ya have em. Get nice and toasty up there with em, mmm nice and goodlike. Whenever that lion gets the samelike just hug em tight and squeeze fer life. Oh nah belly boy you're gone git ready fer this nah. Cos cose he gone got youd all up n dried innem them lion fangs. After that all gets settled, you can finally begin the masterful art of slattery, that is, how to make slats (skats).
Not anybody hardly never attempts the feats no mo'. You know the ones. Kinda like dah giraffes and halfway cooler than that ole corner at the pajama party. Partly listless planters paint poorly portioned portraits of princely prawns and pickles. And if that ain't enough! Oh! Bangskeeterbang!
I guess that calls up God.
Damn near skeeted em,
a log
19 January 2014
Salty
From whence does the almighty feeling of ekstasis emerge? From the heart some might say! Well I say shaddup feget about it! That's a big ol' bloody blood pump, ya hootenannies! The brain then, them ugly nerds will tell ya. But who trusts the nerds these days! Go read a book on your calculator I tell 'em! Predictably, I will stop to mention that while ekstasis certainly resides in the butthole, we shall assume it not to be the source. So who's the ass, u or me?
In addition! I say that's quite enough of those types of things which I do not care to get into in this frame-state! And, keeping with tradition, I shall now stop to recite for you the next word of the day! It's a good one this time peons, as it always is, so don't squander it!
Thumbittr! -- A dunce, dweeb, lackwit, curmudgeon, ya know, whatever
And yes, that must be spelled with an exclamation point at all times. AT. ALL. TIMES.
Every now and again, we appreciate some input from you, the fan. If you have any comments, questions, concerns, inquiries, prophetic dreams, disconcerting swelling in strange places, high blood pressure, or grapes, please think really hard about them before you go to bed every night and maybe we'll think about considering to help you with them. But we're pretty busy, you know, running the world and all this crazy shit. So we might not get to it. Don't feel bad though; we don't hate you! We're just indifferent to your existence!
That's not mine officer I swears!
-- The Ghost of L. Ron Hubbard's pet Goat
In addition! I say that's quite enough of those types of things which I do not care to get into in this frame-state! And, keeping with tradition, I shall now stop to recite for you the next word of the day! It's a good one this time peons, as it always is, so don't squander it!
Thumbittr! -- A dunce, dweeb, lackwit, curmudgeon, ya know, whatever
And yes, that must be spelled with an exclamation point at all times. AT. ALL. TIMES.
Every now and again, we appreciate some input from you, the fan. If you have any comments, questions, concerns, inquiries, prophetic dreams, disconcerting swelling in strange places, high blood pressure, or grapes, please think really hard about them before you go to bed every night and maybe we'll think about considering to help you with them. But we're pretty busy, you know, running the world and all this crazy shit. So we might not get to it. Don't feel bad though; we don't hate you! We're just indifferent to your existence!
That's not mine officer I swears!
-- The Ghost of L. Ron Hubbard's pet Goat
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