"And then god or whatever came down in the form of the angel Gabriel and a smallish sized goat wearing a toupee. And both of them were certainly Our Savior, Undercover Be His or Her Name-O." - Pope Francis
"Back in my day we didn't have dildos poppin out our eyes and shit crawling off the walls, nooo-no sirree, we played our poker and we drank our tea, gently. But thems were strange days. I suppose it's different when you're raised by assorted rodents." - Ben Roethlisberger
"Crunchy...but yet also slimy. What's...it..is that a...hint of sudge I detect?" - Emeril Lagasse
"All I can say is that Halloween is the Lord's day, and I'm really quite fed up with all you naysayers." - Laura Bush
"Mondays are the worst. What else in life can give you the intensity of the squirts with the tenderly paced cringing of a well-constipated turd?" - my mother, dad
"I love you, dad. There's no dad that dads like you dad."
- mom
"Well zippity crabbam shoohop!" - Denzel Washington
"Louis the...what was it? The ninth? Tenth? Heh?! Whaddayew sayin' over there? Get over here and say me what the freaking crap you wanna say. I'm tired and my ears smell like piss." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez on homosexual science fiction
"I've got LSD up to my eyeballs, if you catch my drift." - Copernicus
"All we ah is scrotes in the wind. Heh." - Euripides
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