But enough about hams and ridiculous historical hip-hop duos; we have much more important ground to cover! For example, how long I can make this post without you (the reader) getting bored and leaving. I assume that happened somewhere around the maggots bit. But if you're still here, I might as well use up some more of your time! Also, there's this really unsightly plot of dirt about two miles up the road that somebody should probably go put something on top of. Maybe grass? I dunno, it doesn't matter! Just get that ground covered stat!
(I threw that last line in because I knew you had no idea what the fuck that had to do with anything.)
(You're welcome.)
Now I would like to respond to some questions from fans. But I can't because we don't do that shit here. So instead, I'm gonna ask and answer my own questions! Ready for an introspective interview?!
Q: So tell me, me, what would you say is your biggest inspiration?
A: Well, as I know, I've always loved sea turtles. Those fuckers are awesome as shit! They just swim all over the world not giving any fucks with their little shells and flippers and their goofy bald heads. They're pretty god damn inspiring, man. Do I get me?
Q: I couldn't have said it better myself! Do I have any advice for the children, so that they to may dream?
A: Well sleep is usually the place to start, but once you get good at it, you can just whip it out whenever you want. You're gonna wanna practice as much as possible, so try to fall asleep whenever you can. That means in class, doing homework, reading, writing blogs, zzzzzzzzzzzzz, zzzz, zzzzzzzzzz, huh? oh right, with your friends; if you wanna get good, pretty much just wake up to eat and take a shit and maybe take a shower and go on the computer or some shit.
Q: I am so insightful! Last question, what would you say it's all about?
A: Instinctively the hokey pokey. But really, what else is it about? The hokey pokey is just a bunch of people who get together and do some dumb shit and just have fun with it. It's the silliest thing in the world (hyperbole), and it's also really fucking lame, but it doesn't matter as long as you want to do it. As long as you have fun and just let go of all the other bullshit and just be in the moment. So do the hokey pokey! Do the hokey pokey! Do the hokey pokey; that's what it's all about!
Q: Wrong answer! You fail this exam!
A: Awww shit! Was it "the Benjamins?" Those fuckin assholes! Why can't I join? Just because my name isn't Benjamin doesn't mean I'm not one at heart!
And that concludes a segment I like to call "Interview by a Madman."
Next time on primokebab:
Does the sun bathe?
How to use your crippling social awkwardness to your advantage!
and
Avoid a Wicked Wednesday: a guide to the week's worst day
With all the love that I possess,
I remain seated.
Me
